[1-11-01] Boyd Davis and Linda Moore talk with Alice Cardais

AC: Alice Cardais
BD: Boyd Davis
LM: Linda Moore

AC: Oh, I look like a mess!
BD: You've never been a mess in your life!
AC: Please sit down!
LM: What are you sad about?
BD: Here, sit between us. A rose between the thorns!
AC: Now I know what they're talking about-I know it! I'm feeling it! It's scary!
BD: How do you feel it?
AC: Nobody likes me, first of all. I must be doing something wrong to all of these people. I'm alone a great deal. I have no energy whatsoever. I was laying down. What time is it?
LM: Ten o'clock.
AC: I was laying down here, trying to get a little energy to tackle the ironing.
BD: Now, the energy part bothers me, I think.
AC: I thought if I put up with it , that it would get better.
BD: When did you first start to have less energy?
AC: Maybe about a month now.
BD: Have you talked with the doctor?
AC: No. A doctor? I don't know who to talk to.
LM: What if we mentioned this to Scott or Robin? Which kinds of pills are you taking now?
AC: I'm taking, um...
LM: Do you have your little box?
AC: No. They give it to me. I have to go down to the nurse's office and I take it down there. It's Aricept and Remiron. That's the two, yes. It doesn't seem to be helping.
BD: I'm wondering if something simple-minded would cause a loss of energy? Are you having any allergies? 
LM: Tell me about what you've been eating. What did you have to eat yesterday?
AC: I don't know what I ate.
LM: Have you had breakfast this morning?
AC: I had some cereal and some grapes. Lots of milk-a small glass.
LM: What will you do for lunch? Will you eat here or go downstairs?
AC: No, I'll eat here. I'll make myself a peanut butter and honey sandwich.
LM: Peanut butter and honey?
BD: Mmmmmm.....
AC: I like that! It's easy to make and I can keep these ingredients where I can have them any time. I have some ham and cheese in the refrigerator, too.
LM: Do you go downstairs for dinner at night?
AC: We waited too late. Yes, we go downstairs for dinner at night. Yes, we have good food. But I just don't feel like myself. I don't have any friends here. I think it's because I'm no fun to be with! I don't know, but I never had any trouble and I moved a lot. Never had any trouble with making friends, but nobody calls me and wants to do anything. Look at me! I'm at a low point!
BD: Well, I'm glad we came during a low point because you can climb back up with us!
AC: Well, I hope so. That would be nice. I just wish it was all over with. But I'm not any fun to be with! I thought I could get a pill that would give me some energy, but nothing seems to be doing that. Is there something made like that?
LM: Uh huh.
BD: Yes, there is!
LM: But I'd also like for them to do some blood work first. If it's ok with you, I'll mention it to Scott or Robin to see if they can call the physician and see about doing some blood work. Sometimes it's just as simple as something missing in your body!
BD: Why, you might be anemic! That would cause this.
AC: Would it?
LM: Yes! I don't know if they've ever done any thyroid studies...It's pretty common in females, and as we get older, we have to watch our thyroids very carefully, because sometimes they change.
AC: Whatever you say, girls, because I'm looking for some help! I'm awfully glad you came! You came at a perfect moment!
BD: I will tell you something that MY children made me see about their grandmother. My children are grown. In fact, I have one grandchild and another on the way. To my children, my mother and father were incredibly important.
AC: Really?
BD: My children didn't get to see my parents very often-maybe two times a year. When they were children, I would take them for a week to two weeks to see Mother. Or for a long weekend in the winter, or vice-versa. Then after they were grown up, they would see my parents once or twice a year. But I remember what my son said about my mother in particular. He said, "Its really funny, your grandmother and grandfather-it's ok if they get older, because that tells YOU that  it's safe to get older."
AC: Well, I see people that are older than me that have a wonderful time! Nobody here invites me to anything!
LM: Sometimes you have to invite yourself!
AC: I used to. I used to have friends here. I'm sure that it's me! I feel certain that I feel so mean inside and nasty! I don't mean towards other people,but I just don't like what's going on inside.
BD: It's very natural to feel that way about a depressing situation, particularly if you have some blood chemistry thing going on. That does it every time!
AC: Well, going to be wonderful, if it's as simple as that!
BD: A lot of times it is!
LM: I can let Robin or Scott know, so that they can at least take a look at it. 
AC: I appreciate that!
LM: They can call the physician about ordering some blood work and maybe see exactly what's going on.
AC: Well it certainly couldn't hurt! And it might help. You seem optomistic-I'll give it a try. This is quite new with me. I've not ever felt this low. Instead of getting up and doing things, I just haven't got the energy to do anything. I'm very tired and it's only quarter past ten! I'm laying down at nine-thirty!
LM: All of us have times when we just don't want to do anything. Most of us have those times. We just want to see if this is a normal thing, or if something is going on that needs to be checked out.
AC: I would certainly go along with that, because I don't want to go on like this! I'm not suicidal or anything, but I'm not enjoying life.
BD: Well, I would like to say one thing: (this is me being crazy!) I would rather see a movie than do ironing. If I thought that my job was to do ironing today, I think I would lay down on this really nice couch! (They all laugh) I was going to lie down before doing the ironing, but then I thought, "Ugh! Horrors!"
AC: I've got three blouses over there that need ironing. I'm not a good ironer, but I don't mind it.
BD: I can do it if I'm watching television.
LM: Something to entertain you.
BD: But there has to be something to entertain me. I would rather take a nap than iron!
(They all laugh)
BD: You haven't lost your sense of humor!
AC: Well, I hope not! I spent yesterday with my daughter and she's just a couple of miles away. We play cards and monopoly-my daughter and my granddaughter.
LM: Did you have fun?
AC: Yes! It was very pleasant and not too much for me to cope with, you know. You know, these games you have to be a mathematical genius to play. But we had a good time.
LM: What kind of cards did you play?
AC: Monopoly.
LM: Monopoly?
AC: Yes.
BD: How old is that granddaughter now? Is she still in high school?
AC: This is my youngest granddaughter and she's twelve.
BD: How nice!
AC: She's a nice little girl. My daughter's husband is very kind to me: vey thoughtful! That son-I never call him unless it's with an S.O.S.  Help if needed something.
LM: You know, that's sons. That's the way boys are.
BD: That's pretty normal.
AC: He's divorced and dating again.
LM: So he doesn't have a female that reminds him...
AC: No. And he's away out of the country a great deal on business. I don't call him unless it's an emergency.
LM: My daighter-in-law calls me. My son never does.
BD: That's normal.
LM: She'll call and then hand the phone to him and ask, "Don't you want to talk to your mother?"
BD: It doesn't mean that he loves you any less,. I think that very often, judging from both of my sons, that there's a hole in their head. That's what I think! And I think it's genetic!
LM: My husband doesn't call his mother! I have to ask, "Have you called your mother?" 
AC: I think that's very true!
LM: Sometimes I call her, just like my daughter-on-law does with my son!
BD: I always did that with mine!
AC: I was over at my son's house the day before Christmas, and he had my daughter and her family and his girlfriend and his two sons.
BD: He's got a complicated life!
AC: Oh yes. But sometimes he has them all.
LM: Did he cook the dinner?
AC: Yes. Hes very capable. He's a good cook. He's been married twice already. He has a girlfriend. I like her and they get along well together. It's really none of my business.
BD: Anytime I say, "It's none of  business," I really want to know!
(They all laugh)
BD: You're such a good person, Alice! Yes, It's none of your business! But STILL...!
AC: Well...
BD: You can't say a word to them!
AC: No. They seem to get along well together and have similar interests.
BD: She's been married twice and he's been divorced. How old is he?
AC: He's fourty-four.
BD: There's a lot to be said for not having formal arrangements. Weren't brought up that way, but...
AC: No. I went to parochial schools for twelve years, and in Florida they weren't living together.
LM: But that's not the way they see the world today.
BD: I am so tickled at my daughter-in -law. She's tiny, like you and just adorable.
AC: That's for me!
BD: That's for me. And he said, " I just live around the corner." And she said, "There's only one way I'll ever have a joint mailbox!"
AC: A joint mailbox?
BD: Yes. He said, "Right you are! After dating her, and we're also friends, and we've broken up, and we've gotten back together again..." His little brother got on the phone and said, "If you let this one go, you'll have male pattern baldness!"
AC: How old is this little one?
BD: Twenty-two. "And I want to be an uncle and this is the best one you have ever dated!"
LM: Gee! As if we're supposed to pick for them! The older one started laughing and said, "Mom, I'm going to go ahead and ask her, but I'm flat broke. Have you got any kind of ring from Grandma that I can use?"
AC: Uh huh.
BD: I said, "Do you want anything I've got?" "No, I want my Grandmother's wedding ring! That's my girl!" So he took her out that weekend and proposed to her and she had it cut down to fit. Grandmothers are really important! If it weren't for for MY children's grandmother, I wouldn't have a grandson. Grandmothers are the most special people you can have!
AC: Don't tell me-tell my children this!
BD: They know it!
LM: Except that YOU have to see it that way.
AC: I feel like now with the condition I'm in, I'm just a burden to them. They are worried about me.
LM: Of course they are worried about you! But we worry about our parents, even if they are perfectly healthy. Just like you worried about your kids when they were perfectly healthy, didn't you?
AC: That's true. You took kept your eye on them, looking for signals that something was wrong.
BD: That's their JOB!
AC: Can I quote you?
BD: Yes.
LM: And it's ok! It's important for you to realize that it's ok.
AC: Could I offer you a drink? I have some orangeade.
LM: I don't care for any, thanks.
BD: No thanks. 
AC: I'm so glad you came! Talk about timing-it was just perfect! I needed someone to talk to about this. I don't talk to my neighbors about this at all.
LM: Sometimes it important to have somebody else to talk to.
AC: It sure is. Somebody that you can just unload on. What you're saying-your advice is good. But when you leave, I have to make it work, you know.
LM: Yes.
AC: I appreciate it: the information or ammunition. I was just laying here thinking, "What's the point in living like this?"
BD: Well, it's certainly not to iron blouses!(They all laugh) Let's think of something much better to do! Come on ladies!
LM: I want to know if you enjoyed the movie the other night?
AC: Yes, I did. Did you see it, too?
LM: No. It was a movie they had downstairs in the little room, next to the desk. I forgot what the name of it was. I don't remember the name of the movie, but it had violins in it...
AC: Yes, it was good! Oh, the week before, we all got up and walked out! The movie was about two Negro men from Nigeria, whose parents ruled-they had crowns on their heads-and they came to America to learn something.
BD: An Eddie Murphy movie.
AC: Yes, that's what it was!
BD: Not smart! That was a bad choice!
AC: Did you see it?
BD: About five minutes of it!
AC: We couldn't take it!
LM: What was the name of it?
BD: "Coming to America."
AC: The language! Somebody said that we walked out because the actors were Negro, and I said, "That's not it-it was the language!" We couldn't cope with it, but last night the movie was nice.
BD: Was it about a guy who keeps violins? A music teacher?
LM: I don't remember the name of it.
BD: Oh, I was trying to think of the name of it!
AC: See, that's what scares me! When you can't think of what you did last night!
LM: Well, some of us sitting here didn't remember what we did last night, either!
BD: Don't push your luck!
(They all laugh)
LM: I call it, 'Natural Forgetfulness."
AC: Oh, that's a nice term for it!
BD: I think Alice has brought up something important, though. After we go (Because we have to visit some other people), Alice you have to think of something to give yourself this afternoon.
AC: What do you mean?
BD: Does the bus leave to go shopping? Is there a TV show that you like? Is there a book you could read a chapter out of? Is there some ice-cream that you could eat? What could you give yourself as a present that would say, "Excuse me! I'm pretty great!"?
AC: Oh, I've got ice cream and drinks in the refrigerator.
LM: How about calling up somebody that's in the building and say, "Can I come visit with you today?"
BD: Or, "Would you like to come and have some ice cream with me?"
AC: I'm just so afriad that they don't like me that maybe they would say, "No."
LM: You know, people tend to not call each other up because they're afraid of being turned down! Or they might think that other people are too busy.
AC: When I came here, I associated with practically all of my neighbors. The girl across the hall has taken all of the people on this floor and-I don't know if the word is accepted them-and made them into a group and I'm not included! And this hurts, if you can imagine. I don't know what I've done or not done. I go down to the dining room and she's sitting at the table with all of the people from our floor, and I'm not one of them! I don't know what I've done!
BD: If you don't have the energy under normal circumstances you'd ask, but if you don't have the energy than you feel too tired to ask! You can't deal with it.
AC: How could I say, "Why didn't you invite me?" That's kind of a hard thing to say!
BD: It would be even harder to answer, if she's really being mean!
AC: Everyone wants her...
BD: A lot of times people will say,  "No", because they feel bad themselves and think you don't listen. Confusions get started this way. I think your idea of finding out way you're lacking in energy, and then moving to do something is the best way.
AC: I really would like to know. I go dragging around-look at this! It was ten o'clock when you got here. I was just finishing up tidying up. I have a long way to go, but the I was going to tackle that. But I'm not happy at all.
BD: Show me where the ironing board is and I'll iron while we talk!
AC: Oh, no, no, no, no...!
BD: I'm really serious! You're much better fun than a TV show!
(They all laugh)
AC: I have to dampen all those first.
BD: True. When you dampen them, do you roll them up in a dishcloth and put them in the refrigerator?
AC: No, never in the refrigerator.
LM: I never did, either!
BD: I'm not kidding. This is a household tip that I learned from my mother. If you sprinkle them and they are ready to iron, you roll them up so the damp will come through. If you decide that that's enough for now, you put them in a plastic bag or towel and put them in the refrigerator...
AC: A wet towel or a dry towel?
BD: It doesn't matter. You just put them in the refrigerator and take them out an hour later when you are in the mood to do it-when the TV program comes on. You can iron them, and it's like working with bread dough.
(LM and AC laugh)
BD: It keeps them nice. But you really have to be lazy to know this tip!
LM: I would be afraid that I would forget them in the refrigerator and they would mildew!
AC: I was going to say, "How long are we going to leave them there?"
BD: Probably it's better for you NOT to put them in the refrigerator!
(They all laugh)
AC: Well, I may not get to that job until tomorrow.
BD: It's not going to hurt!
AC: I'm awfully glad that you dropped in today.
BD: I think it's a much better day to have your nails done than iron! I'm looking at mine-you've got polish. I don't.
AC: I don't have any polish remover. That's on my list. We go on the bus tomorrow to do our marketing.
LM: How often do they go?
AC: Every Tuesday. We go to Walmart and then you walk up to the grocery store. I don't go to Walmart. I never need a lot, you know.
BD: Walmart has some interesting stuff lately, though.
AC: The one out here in tremendous!
BD: It's HUGE!
AC: You could get lost up there! You have to pay attention.
LM: They even have fresh, live flowers.
AC: Oh, yes.
LM: Everybody's talking about the orchids downstairs the you've got to walk by.
AC: Aren't they pretty!
LM: They're gorgeous!
AC: We have one lady here who takes care of those plants. All she does is breathe on them and they flourish!
LM: Does she live here?
AC: Yes.
LM: I'll have to find her!
BD: We'll find out her secret. If I breathe on them, they die!
LM: I was just telling Boyd that one of my orchids has been blooming for almost two months now.
AC: Oh!
LM: It's about this tall and this wide with the spikes coming out. It sits on the counter and you have to watch out when you walk around it because it sticks out everywhere. It's beautiful! The only thing I've done differently is, I set it outside in the summer.
AC: And that helped it?
LM: I had to make sure that the squirrels didn't come and take it out of the box.
AC: They would bother orchids?
BD: Squirrels eat bulbs AND orchids! They're awful!
LM: I set it right outside my pool house and they don't seem to come up and bother it there. Maybe the cat scares them off! Well, we're glad we were able to see you today.
AC: Well, I'm glad too, really. It gave me a lift. And do see what they say downstairs.